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Where’s My Daddy

As children grow, they ask a million questions about any topic you can think of. Some of those questions are easy to answer, or so you would think. Children want more than your standard answer, they want detailed background and every possible detail. Their minds are curious and demand answers.

I think maybe the hardest question I ever had to deal with was, “where’s my daddy?”.  The first time you hear it you get taken aback. Your mind goes blank and you try your best to change the subject. I just said he lives far away and you live here with mommy. Then I changed the subject real quick, which will work at younger ages most of the time.

Problem is, at some point – and probably sooner rather than later, you’re going to have to provide a valid answer. For us the truth was, he just didn’t want to be a part of her life. I found out I was pregnant after we had broken up. I was and still am close to some of his family. We would run into each other occasionally at family get-togethers I got invited to. Even then he didn’t really interact with our child.

At first I thought this was great. I could raise my child how I wanted and didn’t have to worry about what anyone else thought. This is good when you have a take charge personality like I do. I tend to not like being told what to do or how to do it.

Ms. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, that is me. But then my child started to get older, getting out and socializing. She was seeing that our family was different from others.

I have to tell you, I believe in the honest truth. It may sting at first but is best in the long run. When the subject came up again, I decided she deserved the truth but I did try to soften it up a bit without making excuses for her father. I told her he had problems which prevented him from knowing how to be a good daddy. Which was true, he had a drug problem back then and rarely kept a job.

You know your child and what he/she can handle. But above all else, please do not ever talk bad about the absent parent in front of your child. It will only hurt you in the long run. Your child will see for themselves the type of person their daddy is. My daughter did. She will be 21 next month. She does talk to her father now and again but she knows from experience not to count on anything from him.

If you feel you need some help in this explanation, there are some books on amazon I would like to recommend.