The other day I was doing some searching online. I was looking for single mom groups and forums to join so I could really get into what you are all talking about. I always want to find new ways to help and get you the information you need.
I was deeply disappointed for a couple of reasons. First, I saw WAY too much bashing of single moms. Second, I did not find a lot of groups out there specifically for the single mom. Many for moms, which is great, but not so much for the single mom.
I want to talk about the attitudes towards single parents. I will try to keep my cool here but I do have a tendency to get heated on this subject. I really can’t stand for people to generalize about anyone. We are all different and deserve to be taken on our own merit.
Let’s clear up some misconceptions about single moms!
1. Single moms don’t sit at home thinking about sex all day long!
Just because a woman is a single mother, doesn’t mean she is a deviant. She has better things to focus on than sex. Think about this though – why is it okay for a man to be that way but not a woman?
2. Single moms don’t want or need sympathy.
A single mother isn’t sitting around thinking of ways to gain your sympathy. She’s too busy taking care of her own house. She just wants to take care of her family the best way she knows how. The same as any two parent household.
3. Single moms can be great moms.
I know so many single mothers who take great care of their kids. They make sure they are fed, have clothes, shelter and lots of love!
4. Single moms need the village, just like all parents do.
We have a family and friendship deficit. Few of us live in close proximity to our extended families, let alone as part of an extended family that can support us; and where family is lacking, only friendship can take up the slack. It seems that our churches need to encourage friendship on a level above casual acquaintance, so that our congregations can become the equivalent of extended families for one another. It wouldn’t hurt neighbors to help out either.
5. Last, and most importantly, single moms are as varied as all humans.
There are different types of single mothers, just as there are different types of mothers. Everyone on this Earth are made up of different qualities and characteristics. If you have a bad experience with a man with red hair, does that mean you will judge all red haired men the same? Of course not, so why would you assume all single mothers are the same? There are all kinds in every ‘group’ of people.
Now’s your chance to set the record straight.
As a single mother, you need to not stand for people stuffing you into a certain category. Let people know you refuse to be judged! Make them see you for who you are!
In the groups I have joined, I have had the pleasure of meeting many beautiful strong single mothers. The young woman you are about to hear from blessed me with her story and allowed me to share it with you.
Bree (24) –
I was raped and abused by my sons sperm donor, my ex. I never pressed charges I just ran when I found out I was pregnant. I live with my mom. She helps me with my son. Because of my ex, I have PTSD and high anxiety. I have insomnia so I don’t sleep much. Every thing I do is for my son. Just because I am 24 does not mean I don’t know how to be a good mom.
I am the single mother of a medically needy two year old. I hate the looks and stares I get when we are in the ER or when he’s having a test done and I have to sit in the waiting room. When I was pregnant I wore a ring on my ring finger to stop the questions.
When its just me and him going out to eat and play in the play places, I hear the other parents saying things like ‘her parents should of had her under control’ or ‘she’s one of the reasons society is so bad’. I am 24 years old I have been single since the week I found out I was pregnant.
I hate that my Dr. refused to give me implanon or mirena type birth control because I am single. He never judged me during my pregnancy, though. I hate the stereotype that if you get pregnant young you are destined to be a single mom. Some of us are single moms for our sake as well as our childrens.
My son is my daily reminder that I am alive, that I survived and I have him to thank for that. Without my family accepting me and my mom letting me move back in, I would probably still be with him or dead at this point. Every mom can dig down and find the strength to keep going. There is no reason to give up. There is always something down the road to pick you up and keep you going.
Whether you are a mom or not; whether you are single or in a relationship; life is going to knock you down and throw you curve balls. Life is full of the unexpected and you never know what is around the next curve. You can choose to accept me for who I am and what I have become and survived; or not. As long as I have my son in my life, I do not care about anything else. I do not need a man to make me happy.
Would I like one for support and sex and cuddles? Of course, but I don’t need that. I’ve had a few hook ups, nothing serious. My mother necklace is my favorite saying, “a mother may hold her child’s hand for a short while, but their hearts forever.”
So you see, single moms are not all the result of poor decisions and behavior. Think before you judge.
My daughter is 18 and will be a single mom in less than two weeks. To me it will be a daunting task. She worked for two months while pregnant. She is still in high school taking honors English. She has been accepted into college. She will be more successful than most of her classmates as far as I am concerned.
Hi Glen,
I know you are very proud of your daughter. She is lucky to have you. It’s important for single moms to have some type of support system.
Angela
Great article! I am in my forties and married with many friends that are divorced. Almost becoming the norm which is sad that marriages just don’t last for some. So my experience with single mother’s is different. My friends are great mothers and do share some of the responsibilities with the dads. We as mothers help each other out. It doesn’t matter your age or gender being s single parent is tough. It is tough when you tackle parenting with two people let alone just one.
Hi,
I am so glad you and your friends help each other out. As I said in my article, it takes a village no matter what your status is!
Angela
Great post, Angela. When I read, “Single moms can be great moms” I thought about numerous times that I have heard a pro or college athlete say that it was their mom who kept them on the straight and narrow and helped them achieve, especially since their father had left early in life or perhaps was never around at all. Moms often have a tremendous impact on their children because of their ability to read their child’s emotions (not that some men can’t also) and to help them control those emotions.
Keep delivering great messages like this one! Thanks.
Hi Allyn,
Yes, there are so many strong single mothers out there. They make sure their kids grow up strong and have what they need.
Angela
Hi Angela,
Your site is great with a wonderful and timely message. Funny, when I was pregnant at 17 I was married and stayed so for about 13 years. Believe me, back in those days people were way worse about single moms, which everyone assumed I was. An old lady came up to me in a Safeway parking lot and shook her finger in my face and said “you ought to be ashamed of yourself! You aren’t over 12 years old!” With all my grown-up dignity I looked her straight in the eye and said “I’m 17 and I’m married!” Funny how people just assume, isn’t it?
I have a different take on this for you – how about all of us single grandma’s out there now days? I am legal guardian for my grandson and have been single for many years. It’s just as hard for us grandma’s to be single as the mom’s. Luckily, his mom is involved and in fact has lived with us for a few years so I I do get some help, but things are hard all over.
Here’s another take on this – there are becoming more and more single dad’s out there too. Raising kids is hard work whether you are alone or with someone, male, female, grandma or grandpa.
I think the only solution is for the family to become a family again and everyone can be involved in the business of raising kids. It’s always better for kids to have family raising them than strangers.
Great topic and a great site! Nice work!
Hi,
Yes, I am aware of all the grandmas and dads out there raising kids on their own. It is awesome that they have done that. I have to write from what I know. I haven’t experienced those so it would not be right for me to try and tell others about it. I do plan to do an article on those subjects though.
I agree, family is very important. As I said in my article, it still takes a village no matter what your family dynamic is!
Angela
Awesome Website. Very emotional. Even though I am a married mother with children, I can relate to how much our children mean to our lives. I understand how soo many people are ready to criticize without all the facts! It is a shame that so many people spend more time criticizing others rather than trying to help fix the problems that truly caused the mothers to be in the situation they are in regardless of what that might be! Good luck with your Success in such a great Website!
Hi Amanda,
Thank you for stopping by. It is a shame how much people criticize. I think part of the problem is not teaching little boys how to be real men!
Angela
Angela I must live in a glass bowl because the people I know would only help single moms and I think of them as very strong individuals that just did not want to be with some one they did not love I have two daughters and they are both single moms and I would rather they be single parents then live in misery
Hi David,
I totally agree with you. I don’t understand how people can be so ignorant and obtuse. They are the ones living in a glass bowl. They have no idea about anything outside the little space they live in.
Angela
Great post! I’m a single mom, but not quite in the same way as the article is kind of geared toward – I’m not a “young, single mom” that gets the looks of disapproval that you mentioned. My ex and I were married for 11 years – the girls were 5 and 7 when we divorced in 2009. We split time equally with the girls for the first year of our divorce – then he moved 6 hours away! I became a full-time single mom overnight! And have been ever since. I’ve actually only dated a few times in these last 5 1/2 years. It definitely gets lonely, but my girls are so active and involved in so many sports and activities with friends that I don’t have a whole lot of “sit around and be lonely” time!! Last year we moved and are now only about 3 hours from their dad – I was hoping that would mean he’d make more of an effort to see them more often, but so far that has sadly not been the case. They are both exceptional athletes, but it’s been at least 2 years since he’s been to one of their games. You’re right about it taking a village. When one girl has a volleyball game in one place and the other girl has a softball game somewhere else, I have to have help! Thankfully I have quickly made friends with some wonderful moms on their teams that help out getting the girls where they need to be! Keep up the good work on your site – I will be sure to check back often! 🙂
Hi Julie,
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your story! I guess I should give a better definition haha. When I think of young single mom, I think of someone who hasn’t been doing it long. Also though, my site is for anyone who needs it. I do have many articles geared towards a young woman who is a single mom, but if your married or an older single mom – the information here can help you too!
My daughters ex is 3 hours away also and the kids have seen him twice in the past year but only because my daughter made the trip back there to see old friends.
Angela
Wow, Angela. That was a powerful article to read. It is sad that single moms have been stereotyped in such ways, and it is just plain wrong. The human side of us thinks to judge others without considering the effects of our words. Thank you for giving me some things to think about, especially concerning some single moms at our church and making a bigger effort to form friendships.
Hi Michelle,
I am so glad you liked my article. I am even more glad it made you stop and think. Most single moms are too proud to even ask for help. Mostly it is because of the way people have looked down on them.
Angela